Curse

Loviatar · Oct 03, 2005, 04:09 PM // 16:09

Business terminology from a female perspective:

You're at a party and you see a handsome guy.
You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic".
That's direct marketing.

One of your friends goes up to him, points to you
and says, "she's fantastic".
That's advertising.

You walk up, ask for his phone number. The next
day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic".
That's telemarketing.

You pour him a drink, gently and softly straighten his
tie, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic".
That's public relations.

He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic".
That's brand recognition.

You talk him into meeting your friend.
That's a sales rep.

Your friend dozen't work out, so he calls you.
That's tech support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that
there could be handsome men in all the houses you're
passing. You climb onto a roof and shout at the top of
your lungs, "I'M FANTASTIC".
That's spam.

MSecorsky · Oct 03, 2005, 04:16 PM // 16:16

A horse walks into a bar.

Bartender: Hey, why the long face?

Count Feanor · Oct 03, 2005, 05:39 PM // 17:39

What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield of your car?

His arse!

mrcouch · Oct 03, 2005, 06:33 PM // 18:33

what did the bannana say to the vibrator?

why are you shaking?! she's going to eat me!

The Mighty Toe · Oct 03, 2005, 06:47 PM // 18:47

Two hobbits are in a bar in a cheap hotel. A woman gives one of them the 'Come to my room' gesture. So one of the hobbits goes with her while the other waits outside the room. After ten minutes, the hobbit outside hears his friend screaming 'I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it!' When the hobbit from the inside cmoes out after five minutes, the waiting hobbit asks him 'Problem with the equipment?' the other replies 'No, I couldn't get onto the bed'

Badum Tish!

Sir Skullcrasher · Oct 03, 2005, 07:24 PM // 19:24

My jokes so lame, it make Jay Leno's catchphrase better!

Warrior Blitz · Oct 03, 2005, 08:42 PM // 20:42

A pirate and a sailor are in a bar and the sailor notices the pirate has a wooden leg, a hook for a hand, and an eyepatch.

Sailor: How did you get all those injuries?

Pirate: Well, a long time ago in a terrible, terrible storm our ship was thrown about like god knows what! I got thrown over board and thought that was it for me! But one of my friends threw a rope over and I quicly grabbed onto it. Just as I was being pulled up a shark jumped out the water and bit off my leg!So they replaced it with this helpful wooden thing.

Sailor: So what about the hook?

Pirate: Well, we were in a heated battle cannons firing, swords slashing, and a prize swordfighter from the enemy boat swung across and challenged me. It was tough but I managed to get a quick shot to his chest, but not before he sliced my hand off with that blade of his! So they replaced it with this fearsome hook!

Sailor: What about the eye patch?

Pirate: I was just minding my own business one day when a seagull crapped right in my eye!

Sailor: So you lost your eye to seagul crap?

Pirate: Not exactly. It was my first day with the hook

William The Smasher · Oct 05, 2005, 04:19 AM // 04:19

guy walks into bar, pulls out a little guy and a piano and the little pianist starts playing. bartender says hey man thats pretty cool, wherd u get that? guy says, oh i have a genie, wanna wish for something? bartender wishes for a million bucks. suddenly the bar is filled with ducks. bartender says wtf man? the guy replies...sorry hes hard of hearing, do u really think i asked for a 12 inch pianist?

your moms so poor she lives in a 2 story dorito bag

your moms so fat she wore high heels and struck oil

your moms so dumb, i put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool and she drowned

your moms like a hockey player, she doesnt change her pads for three periods

your moms so stupid she stared at the orange juice carton for 4 hours because it said concentrate.

Lag Hell · Oct 05, 2005, 05:50 AM // 05:50

Your moma is so fat, she creates an artificial eclipse of the sun every time she walks past sum1s house

kg_lildude1 · Oct 05, 2005, 06:40 AM // 06:40

knock knock,
whos there,
door,
door who,
i'm the door repairman, can i come in?

Divinitys Creature · Oct 05, 2005, 01:36 PM // 13:36

What does a cow without lips say?

OOOOOOO

Naprius · Oct 05, 2005, 01:39 PM // 13:39

first its green and then its red.

kermit in a blender

Divinitys Creature · Oct 05, 2005, 01:45 PM // 13:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loviatar

Business terminology from a female perspective:

You're at a party and you see a handsome guy.
You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic".
That's direct marketing.

One of your friends goes up to him, points to you
and says, "she's fantastic".
That's advertising.

You walk up, ask for his phone number. The next
day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic".
That's telemarketing.

You pour him a drink, gently and softly straighten his
tie, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic".
That's public relations.

He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic".
That's brand recognition.

You talk him into meeting your friend.
That's a sales rep.

Your friend dozen't work out, so he calls you.
That's tech support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that
there could be handsome men in all the houses you're
passing. You climb onto a roof and shout at the top of
your lungs, "I'M FANTASTIC".
That's spam.

LOLOL

kg_lildude1 · Oct 05, 2005, 03:36 PM // 15:36

what happens when kg_lildude1 meets Avari_Z on the corner?

you get more zzzzzzzzz's.. :\

lame and you know it

Lag Hell · Oct 05, 2005, 03:40 PM // 15:40

u dont have a mom?

kg_lildude1 · Oct 05, 2005, 03:45 PM // 15:45

im no bastard!

Divinitys Creature · Oct 05, 2005, 04:01 PM // 16:01

Lolol

kg_lildude1 · Oct 05, 2005, 06:16 PM // 18:16

laugh at the wise man and he will contemplate...
laugh at the fool and he will laugh back...
laugh at the dumbass and he will laugh at the fire hydrant...

Xue Yi Liang · Oct 05, 2005, 06:27 PM // 18:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by kg_lildude1

laugh at the wise man and he will contemplate...
laugh at the fool and he will laugh back...
laugh at the dumbass and he will laugh at the fire hydrant...

laugh at me and I'll check my fly.

Enigmatics · Oct 05, 2005, 07:21 PM // 19:21

Laugh at me, and you will hear a thud seemingly inside your head, feel a cracking sensation, and wind up sipping food from a straw for the rest of your 10 minutes.